Some Friendships Last; Some Don't

My mother once told me: when you have everything, you have friends, but when you have nothing, you have true friends. This has stuck with me through the years & time & time again, this quote proves to be true- even when I've wanted it to be false. Friendships, in my eyes, is not a big thing, it's a bunch of little things

Throughout the years, I've made some amazing friends that I know will be in my life forever. Take Siobhan (my friend in the picture) for example, we became friends our freshman year of high school. Now if you knew me in high school, you know I went through a couple phases, but Siobhan was one of the few people who was there to witness all of it and come out the other side with me. If that isn't friendship, I don't know what is!

If you know me, you know that i'm outgoing, charismatic and full of energy (sometimes too much of it). That has led me to make some amazing friends both in high school & college, but that doesn't mean those friendships lasted. In fact, I have less friends than I did when I first started college.

Freshman year, I was a social butterfly; I knew everyone & everyone knew me (at least all the black students did). I was in a program called #TLC, which was created for students of African decent to aid getting acclimated to the LMU campus. Initially this program was something most of the students disliked, but as time went on & the program was over, there was a bond that was created that, for the most part, still exists till this day. I made so many friends during that time, both in & out of the program, which was amazing. I learned so many things about the people in my class, their struggles, their successes... all of it really. Most of them are still like family to me. Freshman year was great & I made so many friends, but sophomore year tested them.

Sophomore year, unlike freshman year, requires effort. If you are not putting effort into all aspects of your life, your sophomore year is guaranteed to be unsuccessful. There is no science behind this, but I can tell you from my own experience that effort is everything. Sophomore year everything is displaced: your classes, your friends, your time... it can be hard to make everything work, but you always have to put in work. In order to see your friends you actually have to make a consciousness effort since you don't live in the same building and same goes for your classes. What once was your fish bowl, is suddenly a fish tank.

As a result of this drastic change, quickly you will start to realize who your friends are because they soon will be the only people you see. Your life starts to set itself up, sometimes without you realizing it. For me, this meant having a close knit group of 6 friends who I consistently hung out with. Although this sounds healthy, I slowly but surely started to realize it was not. The people I was spending time with had good intentions, for the most part, but were overall toxic. Naturally, some of those negative habits transferred over to me & I got lost on the path I was once cruising on.

As the year progressed our friendships changed for so many different reasons. One of the main ones was because of how toxic our habits were towards each other- it was unhealthy. Of course I still love them & cherish every single moment I spent with them, but in the end, those friendships did more harm to me than they did good. Sadly, I had to go through things no one should ever endure & I learned a lesson I otherwise wouldn't have learned. When I was in a place of turmoil & hurt, the friends I once loved were not there. In fact, I got chastised (which is honestly ironic) for expressing my feelings of hurt.

Before this, I had given so much for the friendship, that in the end it felt like I got taken advantage of. When I had nothing & needed one of my closest friends most, he turned his back on me & that is something I can never forget. I was hurt, angry... any emotion you name- I probably felt. Then I thought of this quote "when you're at your lowest point & have nothing left to give, look around you.. only your true friends will still be there".

After losing friends I thought would be in my life forever, I reconnected with the people I was friends with before I befriended them & figured out which relationships were true, and which ones weren't. Sometimes you gotta go through things to learn a lesson & the lesson i learned last year was: some friendships last; some don't.